what is it with me and my blog...

Good: LSU and the Saints both won. The Saints even won handily!

Bad: Apparently I just cannot get it in gear to be where I know I need to be on Sunday mornings. I think this will change eventually ... but right now I'm feeling both really guilty about not being there, and really good about the fact that I'm making use of my Sundays to get laundry done.

Indifferent: I'm not sure, but I think maybe I should try cultivating the feeling that I just don't care about work, about what gets accomplished or not, who appreciates anything I say or do ... Yep. Picked a great time to pick up this book about how "Evil is boring. Cynicism is stupid. Despair is lazy. The truth is that the universe is inherently friendly. Life is a sublime game created for our amusement and illumination, and it always gives us exactly what we need, exactly when we need it." (Rob Brezsny, Pronoia Is The Antidote For Paranoia)

Soooo ... um, I guess I don't need affirmation or companionship or self-sufficiency right now *confused look* ...? Something will work out. I think. Kinda has to, right?

Wake me up when September ends...

So here we are again in the middle of September. Why is it that so much has happened in September? I try and fail ... remember, and forget ... forgive, yet still rage ... I am insightful but still just as much an idiot as I was last year, four years ago, ten years ago ... just please don't back away just yet. Somebody's still not finished - I think ... ?

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

like my father's come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends
-Green Day, 2005

you know it's quite bizarre...playing midwives to an egg!

Am I pushing? Am I really "trying too hard?" Am I "driven," and is that such a bad thing? I wish I knew. This must be where the "use of self" gets really thorny ... ok. Yeah. Hi, I'm me, and I'll be the midwife of your psyche for the next 45 minutes. How can that not be intimidating? I love the maieutic aspect of being a social worker, and it scares the crap out of me. I've been hearing that I must learn to be comfortable with and accept ambiguity, equanimity, the now and the not yet ... what does that really look like when I'm standing in front of, or sitting with, a bunch of folks whose tools for living are spread out on the table or floor in front of all of us, rusting, rotting, or broken, and I have the job of believing - and just maybe, on a good day, helping them to believe - that those tools can be repaired or replaced, that they can and will rebuild lives worth living, lives in which they just maybe could again love and work. Darnit, there I go being hopeful again!

"The Jesus of my journey will never say to me ... 'You were too reckless, you confided in Me too much, you trusted beyond reasonable limits, you hoped too much of Me. You should only have played with My word, 'Have confidence in Me,' rather than foolishly acting it out."
-Brennan Manning, Lion and Lamb