It would be downright funny if it weren't so puzzling, how inconsistent I am about blogging ... I mean really? I'm constantly running off at the mouth about some thing or other, always gotta have something to say about whatever, yet here's this mouthpiece where I can absolutely let loose - and do I actually use it? Of course not :D ... oh well.
However, at least I'm currently mostly consistent about working out. It's effing exhausting :D but I'm doing it ... and getting some payoff! My legs are a little more shapely, some clothes I couldn't wear for a year or so are fitting again ... aaaaand, lots of different people seem to be noticing that - rather, noticing me - which leads to me getting odd text messages, notes passed to me, and people telling me "oh, (so-and-so) says you're hot/looking good" ... whaaa?? I still haven't the foggiest notion how to handle that, what to do with it or how to respond. Ok yeah, of course, I can simply say, "thank you," but then what?
Not that I don't want to be "seen" as "pretty" or "attractive," but then again I never got that in high school or college either. It was a HUGE deal to me when the one guy I dated close to my own age, almost six years ago, used to tell me, "you're not (just) cute - you're beautiful." I'd never been told that before, and never have since. In that case, at least he (at the time) knew me and (again, at the time) seemed to genuinely feel that way about me as an individual, inside and out. But that was practically another lifetime ago. Where is someone who can be that close - and stay that close! - and say something like that, or be the one sending me those mischievous notes and text messages? Do I still merit that? Or have I just screwed up too many times and missed out on whatever other opportunities I might have had for that?
And yeah, I know (in my head) that the answers are, 1) somewhere, 2) well yeah, and 3) no and quit catastrophizing ... but dagnabbit ... anyway.
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