lonely days, lonely nights

i am tired. "...tired of disparagement, criticism, of nihilism in short" (Albert Camus). tired of the recalcitrance of nature, of our human failures of action or vision or attention. tired of waking up every day to a world that seems not to want me. tired of being surrounded by so much noise yet at the end of it all alone. but still here i am, after 1am, typing this lament. i know...still i have much to be thankful for, and at least some of these things i lament will not be the way they are now interminably. some day i will "wake up in the morning to find i have somewhere exciting to go" (A Chorus Line), some day someone will choose to simply be, here, with me, for that day and the day after and the day after that...but this is not that day. this is just, tonight. "this is radio nowhere, is there anybody alive out there?" (Bruce Springsteen)